If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize