She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
