Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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