Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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