So drunk, too bad you don't want this
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
