hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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