Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
