If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
