dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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