I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
