So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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