I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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