what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
