My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
