The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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