Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
