Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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