Your dad touched me again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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