I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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