I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
