I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
