i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
