He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
