Will you blow on my dice?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
