But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
