You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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