the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
