I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
