dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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