his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
