I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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