He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
