But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
