i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
