Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
