I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
