So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
