Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
