remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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