Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
