he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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