i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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