I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
