I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
