I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
