I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
