i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
