I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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