so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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