I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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