Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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