Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
