i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
