I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
