He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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