i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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