the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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