Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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