my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
