At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
