Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
