How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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