i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
