I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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