I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
