I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
