Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
