You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
