Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
