also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
