i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
